Allan

 

My name is Allan, and I’m 66 years old. When I was a small boy, my sister brought me along to Sunday school at our local Anglican church. There, for the first time, the stories of God, Jesus, and the Bible came alive to me.

Years later, while at boarding school in Cambridge, I was confirmed in the faith. Yet it wasn’t long before I noticed the hypocrisy woven through much of organised Christianity. Disillusioned, I turned away completely.

By the age of about 20, life looked good on the outside—strong in school, sports, everything a young man might envy—but inside I felt hollow. In desperation I cried out to God. Then, much like Paul on the Damascus road, a brilliant white light enveloped me, brimming with an overwhelming, indescribable love. In that instant I knew, without question, it was Christ.

Not long afterwards I joined the police force. There I met believers who followed the simplicity of Christ, holding to the Bible alone without religious extras. Through their example, visiting home preachers, and the clear message of the Gospel, I finally heard it in a new way. As a young officer, I surrendered my life to Him.

That police career stretched nearly 15 years. The work itself wasn’t the problem; it was the endless politics, crushing stress, and impossible demands that wore me down until my mental health buckled. I walked away. By then I had two daughters, but soon my world unravelled further. I made choices that clashed sharply with what I believed, and rather than live as a hypocrite—half in the world, half with God—I abandoned faith entirely. The years that followed brought ups and downs, yet true peace and joy remained out of reach.

I married again, divorced again, and life spiralled deeper into chaos: finances crumbling, relationships fracturing, everything slipping away. Looking back, I see now that God was letting my own plans collapse, gently drawing me home like the prodigal son in the parable.

After returning to New Zealand and beginning once more to listen to the Gospel of Christ, I faced terrifying moments I wish on no one. A demon-possessed individual tried to run me down with a bus; I glimpsed pure evil in their eyes and escaped by the narrowest margin. On another occasion, two people attempted to blackmail me. One stared with utterly black eyes and flashed the sign of the devil when I raised my camera. I recognised a fallen angel at work. Those encounters erased every lingering doubt: the spiritual darkness the Bible warns of is utterly real.

Then God began speaking to me unmistakably—rousing me in the night with precise instructions. Each time I obeyed, blessings followed in ways I could never have imagined. I saw myself clothed in filthy rags, yet still deeply loved. I repented fully, surrendered again, and once more the Holy Spirit flooded me with enduring joy and peace. I’ve started the long road of reconciliation with my first wife and our children. She, who remained faithful through it all, extended astonishing kindness; today we share a genuine friendship. Her grace showed me the transforming power of God in a life.

These days my only real fear is failing to do His will. I’ve learned of Hebrew ancestry in my father’s line, stretching back toward Abraham and Sarah, but that heritage holds no spiritual weight on its own—what matters is my personal walk with God. I sense a clear call to return to Israel, to share the truth that has changed me. God has not forgotten His promises to Abraham, nor the hope extended to Gentiles. The season feels close when Israel’s tribes will be gathered home. Whether tomorrow or in a thousand years, no one knows the hour, yet I feel an awakening stirring.

Through everything, God has given me a profound love for souls. The way I see people has shifted entirely. I once considered myself kind enough, but now each person carries new depth in my eyes. And because of the journey I’ve walked, death holds no terror. If tomorrow is my last day, so be it—God holds me, and if He asks me to lay down my life in His service, that’s exactly where I want to be.