‘Eyes to the Soul‘ is a captivating collection of portraits of vulnerable women who describe their journey in life: challenges, obstacles, failures, ambitions, and aspirations. Their unique stories add an important third dimension to their striking portraits, offering an intimate insight into their world. Their personal story is often more exposing than their portrait. At a time when women are often silenced by society, I wanted to create a portfolio that empowers women to have a voice and give them a stage to tell their personal stories. Another goal is to raise awareness and give women the freedom to express their feelings and connect with their emotions.

This fresh look is an eye-opening opportunity to see people without the “shield” of clothes. We are all flesh and blood, and we are here on this planet for a short period of time. This project simply reminds us of how fragile we are. It takes us just one-tenth of a second to judge someone and make a first impression, so it’s fascinating to see how quickly we form an opinion based solely on physical appearance. This portfolio is a celebration of our shared values: individuality, community, and unity. These portraits show that while we are all wonderfully unique, we are deeply similar. Their edgy portraits are presented in monochrome to emphasize their shape and form. The simple background eliminates distractions so the viewer can focus on their body language, their skin and their facial expression. The combination of using a soft, directional light while adapting a consistent post-processing technique enables me to enhance their features so the images are raw and crisp. They look directly into my camera, so there is always a highlight in their eyes.

It has been said that photography is the easiest medium of art to be competent in, but it’s the hardest medium in which to have a truly personal vision. It’s very much like talking – everyone can talk, but very few have something to say. In creating this collection, I aim to demonstrate a clear style, to tell a story, to be imaginative and thought-provoking. My goal is to present work that is strong and distinguished with a clear narrative sense. I wish to inspire people with images that are crisp and sharp, to be creative and artistic, to evoke emotions, and to show a personal vision.

The women in the collection represent different cultures and backgrounds. This diverse group of women serves as a timely reminder that despite our many differences, we are able to unite as a community through the power of photography.

Jenelle

“To My Husband,

There was a time when I could have opened this document and filled the pages with anger, sadness, and disappointment 1000 times over. There are so many examples of how your drinking has impacted our lives. But surprisingly, to me, I am struggling to find the emotion that should be behind them. I feel empty and detached, having untangled myself from a relationship that was hijacked by alcohol and robbed of all of those foundations that have to be present for two people to thrive: trust, honesty, presence. You never noticed the untangling was happening because you were never sober.

The thing we always had was love. I never doubted how much you loved me. In turn, I think it took you some time to truly believe that I loved you, that you were worth loving, that I was your best friend, your number one supporter, and that you were loved and adored and respected by our kids. But it wasn’t enough.

Why wasn’t it enough?

It should have been enough!

Every time you poured a drink, I felt that you were choosing it over me, over us. I am not an addict and I don’t pretend to understand the overwhelming desire you would wake up with every morning to find a drink. But it’s hard to separate my head and heart, and every day that you drank, I felt betrayed that you didn’t fight hard, or at all, that you didn’t fight for us or, even worse, you didn’t fight for you!

I have literally lost count of the number of times I tried to get you help, to go to meetings, to get a sponsor, to talk to a counselor, to go to CADDS, to go to the Dr. But you always managed to convince yourself that you had it under control, that you were different from those others at AA, that you didn’t need help, that you didn’t have a problem, that you were “an island”. For such a smart man, I often wondered how you could be so bloody stupid.

The thing about living with an alcoholic is that when a disaster occurs, you think ‘well perhaps that’s it, perhaps that’s the worst that can happen’. Except it’s not; there is always more to come.

I have used weeks of my own sick leave to stay at home and detox you when all the services turned us away. I’ve fed you soft foods like a baby, showered you, dressed you, put you to bed, held you for hours on end, tended to your wounds when you have fallen and ripped open your head or fallen asleep against the heater. I have refused invitations from our friends for years to the point that we stopped being invited anywhere. I have made up more excuses than I can remember to protect you. I always wondered when people asked how I was, were they really asking about me, or asking about you? I have stopped you killing yourself from carbon monoxide poisoning in our garage whilst our kids were home. I have kept all the car keys hidden for months at a time. I have found you in my emergency room, full of the people I have worked 30 years with, fully clothed and standing in a pool of urine, listened to the story of how you fell through a ranch slider window slicing open your face. I’ve had to ring your boss (a man who has bent over backwards to help and support you) to say his work vehicle has been impounded as you have been caught DIC. I have been woken after nightshift from the sound of you crashing into and wrecking our letterbox, again drunk and again in a brand new company car. I have had to receive the phone call of how you have been drinking at work and have now lost your job. I have had to ask my family to help pay our mortgage. I have had to tell our kids that we have to sell our house, the house they grew up in because I cannot pay all the bills alone. I have had to pack up our house and move into my mother’s house, who is 93 with dementia, with our 19-year-old daughter and two cats and two dogs. I have spent hours searching for your latest hiding place for gin bottles. I have poured thousands of dollars of alcohol down the drain. I have worked hundreds of hours of overtime to support your habit indirectly. I have listened to the vile names you have called me, the accusations that I was having affairs. I have taken calls from our kids saying they were frightened of your behavior. I have been hospitalized with stress-induced gastritis with pain so bad I needed a morphine infusion. I have had to message your mother saying how I feared for your life. I have come home after days sitting with my dying father to find you drunk and incoherent, not able to offer me any level of support. I have had to have you committed to the mental health unit. I have used the people around me as a constant support, my family, our friends, my work colleagues – sharing the latest saga but usually finishing the conversation with my hope that perhaps this time will be different. But it never was. And it never will be for me and you because I choose not to have alcohol impact my life and the life of my children anymore! I am not going to spend any more of my life waiting for the next disaster.

You have to know how much it kills me to say that. I married you, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. I married you, you had me, I was all in, all yours. Because we had something that not everyone finds. We had that connection, that fabulous ability to look at each other and know each other’s thoughts, we had the laughter, we had the tenderness, but I could see your high level of daily distress, that there was something bad and powerful and underlying that was fundamental in how you lived your life, but you could never share that with me so I could never help and for that I am sorry. And now each of us is alone, and it’s such a fucking waste, and I hate that this is where we have ended up.”

Amber Swords

“It’s interesting that when we are reflecting on ourselves and our journey, we put the spotlight on ourselves for a minute to see where we’ve been, where we came from, where we’re going, and who we’re being right now. It can almost feel confronting when we acknowledge that we have played such a crucial role in our story and in our current circumstances. It can be a really tough pill to swallow.

I’ve just recently, in the last few months, realised that I was severely burnt out and that I’d had a bit of a breakdown. But with the demands of life, I was still needing to show up for work and to pay bills, because no one else is going to do it for me. This pressure pushed me to keep going and ignore my body’s signals that it was tired and that it needed rest. It caused a sort of spiritual crisis, being confronted with these hard truths of life, that there are many people in much worse situations than myself. In the grand scheme of things, with all of my struggles and challenges, I’m very privileged.

And to acknowledge that we, as humans, have to suffer and ignore our needs in the face of survival. It confronted me so deeply that it sent me into a spiral of freeze, where I just couldn’t function or find the joy in life anymore, the way that I used to.

To come full circle and to be at this phase of my life now, where I am flourishing, I have moved through the sticky terrain of accepting my own shit, my own shadows. The part that I have played in this story that I’m living in, and how empowering it is to know that I am actually writing the story, and that I get to change the story of this movie that I find myself in, in this incarnation. That I have the power within me to heal myself from the inside out, and to create a reality for myself based on who I am being deep inside.

I ask myself this question every day: What would love do, and What can I be in service of, that is greater than myself?”

Professional Photographer Auckland

She is like water being poured into a short cup,

Overflowing,

Unknowing of the amount she lost,

Measuring herself without cost.

Cause there isn’t enough space,

To appreciate the vase she is.

She gives so much to the ones she loves;

Lets them drink her water,

Never thinks of her mother’s daughter.

As the floor adores every drop,

Making it past the top of her cup.

The room fills up.

Her water is strong and intense,

And her emotions come along in defense,

As she attempts to express herself.

But she lost so much ocean,

Sharing her emotions with men who lacked motion.

Left her glass broken.

Open for the water to escape her embrace.

She is afraid of every mistake that delayed her.

But today she creates a way to learn.

She sees the water that was once hers moving in the rivers and the sea.

She takes only a piece of who she used to be and lets the rest go easily.

She finds flowers she watered without even knowing,

And puts them in a vase to show hope in her ever flowing spirit.

The flowers kept growing with her limits.

And that was just a snippet of the beauty she creates.

With the water that she makes.

Lily Vitoria

“My name is Lily and I am 30 years old. Seven months ago I gave birth to my son Atticus. Although, that’s not actually where my story begins. It began 5 years ago when I stopped being able to run.

I was living and working on a sailing catamaran on the Ningaloo reef in Australia. Each morning I was waking, baking bread for our guests, taking snorkelling tours and sleeping on the nets outside under the stars. This was a time that I was alone but at peace and excited about the world and all the beauty it can offer.

My legs started giving way during this time, collapsing out from under me when I jumped on the dock to tie the boat or ran down the beach. It felt as though I was beginning to go numb anytime I did exercise and could no longer hold my muscles in tension. Doctors told me it was all in my head, that stress was causing my body to weaken, that my mind was as weak as my arms and legs.

They were so wrong.

I spent years in therapy, throwing money into the abyss for countless people to claim they could make me better through meditation and physiotherapy. I felt like no one was listening to me, or believing me. I was alone.

Until a man, a doctor, who knew little of my story of who I am or the mental pain I had endured from years of being unable to move properly, gave me a diagnosis and a truth. I wasn’t crazy, I was sick.

When my little boy came into the world I knew he might have what I have. I couldn’t make him healthy, just like I couldn’t undo the disease that weakened my body. And when he arrived I knew my legs will always collapse out from under me, my arms will always tire from holding him, my eyes will always blur and shake on those long nights staying awake with him. But that would never stop me from loving him and being his mum. It is a part of who I am.

I stopped punishing myself for weakness a long time ago. Fortitude gives me the only strength I need.”

KALI

“My stage name is KALI and I am 26 years old. I think the best thing we as people can do for ourselves is trust our inner knowing and our bodies intelligence.
We do that by slowing down. Calming the nervous system. Creating peace in our inner waters so that they become clear and reveal to us what we already know.
A calm and balanced state is the ideal state to be making decisions from. That’s where ideas float to the surface, creativity flourishes, solutions arise.
Our body will often tell us what we need to know if only we allow ourselves to drop down from the mind and into the body.
Often we think the answer is to think our way out of things, but often we end up in circles even more stressed.
Sometimes we do well to feel instead and be guided by our own intuition.
That’s why I am wary of those people who claim to know the answers and say “follow me”, while leading you away from yourself.
That which is for you will often times be that which brings you closer to yourself. Not further away.
Trust yourself, you know more than you realise. You are capable of more than you realise, you are more adaptable and hold a stronger spirit than you realise.
Trust yourself and the pulls of your soul. Calm the chatter of your mind and remember your infinite souls intelligence.”

Natalie Thomas

“I turned forty this year. I had mixed feelings about that. In a way, I felt lucky to still be alive, it was a milestone of weathering life’s difficult storms. It also felt like new beginnings. A fresh decade, all ready for happiness and change. But it also felt like loss, in a way that’s hard to describe. I’m so far from where I imagined I’d be now when I was younger. I’ve spent my entire adult life struggling hugely with my mental health and I was diagnosed as bipolar in my twenties. But in the last few years I’ve been pursuing an ADHD diagnosis instead because it makes so many of my life struggles make much more sense. Unfortunately, it’s a difficult, complex, and expensive process as an adult under our health system. I have a B.Sc. degree in Molecular Biology, and I had a career working in that field in my twenties. But my life has a before, and an after. When I was 28, I was living with my partner, the love of my life. In the home we’d bought together, with our two-year-old daughter.

We were building a life. Me, in my career. Him, in his fledgling studio business and music. Then one night, completely unexpectedly (for me anyway), I found him dead of a heroin overdose in our garage. And I’ve never been the same. He was my rock, and the earth underneath me shifted that night. My life fell apart. I struggled with alcohol and drugs. In the time after that, I got my life together and I got remarried to someone I loved very much. But we just couldn’t make it work together. I’ve had many knocks, but I’m a positive person. I have so many wonderful people in my life, friends, family. I love my children more than anything and keep going for them most of all when things are hard. Recently our family has gone through a huge ongoing trauma. I’ve had difficulties coping again. I made a huge mistake and drove after I had been drinking. I don’t know what will happen next in life, but I do know it can, and will get better.”

Mandy

Naomi

“Vulnerability is a powerful concept that encompasses the courage to open our hearts and share our deepest dreams and desires with the world. It involves taking risks and putting everything on the line to pursue our aspirations, regardless of the challenges that may come our way. As we grow older, the idea of taking risks may become more daunting, but embracing vulnerability remains essential for personal growth and fulfillment. In today’s fast-paced and ever-changing world, maintaining a clear sense of direction can be quite challenging, especially for those who come from humble beginnings. It often feels like we are trying to move forward from a place of uncertainty, without the luxury of a helping hand. However, it is crucial to recognize that while external help may not always be readily available, our resilience and determination can guide us through life’s uncertainties and enable us to create our own path towards success.

The pursuit of a privileged life might seem elusive, particularly for those who were not born into it. Handouts and easy shortcuts are rarely available, leaving us uncertain about our ability to afford a home or explore the world. Nevertheless, maintaining a positive mindset and unwavering dedication can lead to incredible achievements. It may require daily reminders, but the willingness to embrace vulnerability and strive for our dreams can propel us forward, inching us closer to the life we envision. During the most challenging weeks, when the temptation to give up seems overwhelming, finding strength in being an inspiration to others becomes a driving force. Believing in the power of self-discipline and hard work instills faith and inspiration, motivating us to persevere. Embracing vulnerability during these tough times fosters hope for a better tomorrow, filled with new opportunities and the potential to make a significant difference in our lives and the lives of those around us.”

Robyn

“I think I have to go back to quite far, to the beginning, to explain the whole story because it is pretty bad, and it’s why I spent 20 years not going ice skating.

So, back in Primary School, a boy in my class had his seventh birthday party at Blackpool ice skating rink in The UK. His parents drove our entire class there, and his little sister and some of her friends. We get there. I am Fucking petrified, holding onto the side the entire time, hating it.

A few boys in the class are kind of knocking me into, just like, taking the piss… I don’t go on there for ages; we have food.

One of the ice skating instructors, I guess, decided to be like, “Should we take her on the ice?” to the little boy’s mom. She goes, “Sure!” He takes me through the ice rink, and I’m like having a blissful experience. I am being 12-round, picked up. I’m thinking, “Oh my gosh, I want to do this for the rest of my life.”

And then I turn around. Liam’s, the birthday boy’s little sister, Joanna, slips over, and someone skates over her fingers, and they go clean off, on the ice! Blood is everywhere!

So we go home like in silence, essentially, and we never really talked about it like again, I know I didn’t.

And then about five years ago, I go for dinner with my friend Lori, and I say to her, like, as any Scouts girl would, “Oh my God, your eyebrows look amazing! Who did them?” And she goes, “Joanna Biggar.” And I was like, “No way! With her like…” And she goes, “Robyn! She had her fingers attached that day; they were already on ice.”

Keri

“Ask me who I am.
I’m my face, my arms, and especially my stomach. Definitely my stomach, no doubt about it.
Mood, attitude, and motivation, they are dictated by three simple principles; have I worked out today? How much have I eaten? Are the people around me smaller than me?
Fuck yeah, I woke up skinny, today’s gonna be a good day.
Alarm is going off, beginning the chains of thought that keep my mind occupied all day.
It’s perplexing how someone could forget to eat all day, how did they do that?
From the moment I wake to the second I fall asleep, food is on my mind.
Sometimes I’m drowning in it, sometimes it’s silently droning on in the background.
My 16th birthday present to myself is a gym membership.
Now I’ll look like the other girls, I’ll change my body to exactly how the boys want it, I mean to exactly how I want it.
I’ve checked and the menu is safe,
He’s getting this one, but I’m not allowed, it’ll put me in a surplus,
not a chance.
If I have a tiny slice then it won’t count,
How many calories are in a teaspoon of cake batter?
Years of push and pull in my mind have brought me to a new place of compassion for my body and my mind, for all they do for me.
A heap of ups and downs later, and I’d cry in relief when I catch myself in moments where I hadn’t thought about food. Learning how to quiet my mind was the greatest gift I could have given myself.
I’m coming to realise that I am beyond my body. It’s not good or bad, it’s a body. I move around because it feels good, I eat what I eat to feel my best.
Our journeys are all valid, no matter what we look like, no matter what we feel like. We are not our body, we are not our mind.
We are the quiet, ever present awareness, the silent watcher. Take more moments and slow down. Drop from the head to the heart. Become the most true you that you’ve ever been.

Shelley Smith

“I used to live in London and was really poor. I had 10 pounds to last me till the end of the week, luckily I’m a pretty resourceful cook and had a topped up Oyster Card.

To make more money, I considered being a sugar baby. It seemed easy, and I’d get wined and dined at all the fanciest places that I couldn’t afford. But when it came to meeting someone, I couldn’t go through with selling myself like that. The thought of a man in his 50’s when I was in my 20’s creeped me out.

So I decided to explore another avenue – men with a foot fetish. I found someone’s ad on Gumtree, and he offered to pay 100 pounds to massage my feet. I didn’t really know what I was in for. We met up, and he was visibly turned on looking at my feet. I let him massage them with lotion and up my leg. Then he asked if he could put them in his mouth, I said it would cost more, and he obliged. As soon as I felt his wet tongue on my toes, I couldn’t stop laughing. Partly because it tickled, and partly because I felt sorry for this sad man putting a stranger’s foot in his mouth. I can’t say I enjoyed it but it was easy money.

He wanted to come back again, but I said I was busy. I preferred being poor than subjecting myself to that. At least it makes a good story a decade on.”

Hannah

I could feel myself falling. It was like slow motion knowing the landing was going to be a problem…crack! I heard it but remember thinking ‘I’m alive’.

The horse had toppled at a jump and landed on me in a spectacular impact. The pain hit me like a ton of bricks, but I couldn’t speak, I could only moan in a continuous hum that must have sounded horrific. My sister held my head above the grass, and her tears and distress told me everything I needed to know. It was very bad!

My right leg was facing me from the middle of my thigh. My face felt distorted, and my ribs weren’t letting me breathe.

“You won’t run again. You will have arthritis. You will need to remove the metal. You will need to walk with crutches for the rest of your life.”

So many opinions on how I will heal and so much negativity. ‘Just watch me’, I thought. ‘Nobody gets to tell you how your body will heal’. ‘It is my body’!

It’s been nearly twenty years and two children since that day. My leg is still full of metal, but I have zero aches and no pain. I am as fit as a fiddle, and unless I told you my story, you would never know.

This is not a tale of me being invincible. It’s a tale of how the body can heal. Not allowing others to set your ceilings, and a mindset that doesn’t take no for an answer.

In the words of Wim Hof: “All the love, all the power.”

Dani

Lucy

My story entails some darkness but is the epitome of light at the end of the tunnel, so I will ask the same of you now as I will at the end, please, keep going.

My life took a huge turn when I was run off the road & left for dead. I was returning home after being surprised with a beautiful set up of candles asking me to the ball, I was on unfamiliar windy country roads & around a blind corner an SUV was well across the centre line & did not react, therefore I was forced to overcompensate to avoid collision & could not regain control over the gravel smeared road. The last thing I remember is realising I was about to die and feeling the immense pull as my car started to flip, my head smashing against the window & road as it did. The SUV did not stop to see if I was alive & instead fled the scene & left me for dead. I suffered severe PTSD and did not receive mental health support. I tried so hard to ensure my suffering was hidden so as not to burden anyone else, I wore a mask for many years & managed to fool even my family who love & care for me unconditionally. I made myself feel so alone in my struggle & suffered far more than I should have.

Though moving forward, my life, future & dreams as I knew them were ripped away from me by chronic conditions & disease. I was an elite athlete in multiple teams & coach to 3 teams, whilst also studying full time at university towards a Bachelor of Health Sport & Human Performance. Exercise was my life. I’ve danced since I was 3 years old up to 6 classes a week among other sports & got into the gym & weightlifting as a teen. It was a significant part of my identity & was also my therapy. I relied on it & all of a sudden my health started to deteriorate drastically. Many times I was rushed to the ER with debilitating pain that nothing wouldn’t subside and I would remain in hospital for days or weeks at a time with tests, scans and surgeries. The time I spent in hospital became so significant that every other aspect of my life started slipping away… I couldn’t train or coach with any of my teams and being the main base & dancer, I was letting my teams down every time. I couldn’t keep up with university or attend a lot of the crucial classes & events. I couldn’t receive the therapy & dopamine that I always had consistently from constant exercise. I started to lose myself completely. When I was diagnosed with a chronic condition. I lost any possibility of fulfilling my lifelong dream of becoming a pilot. I was then forced to abandon my degree and my beloved teams I had dedicated so much of myself into training with in and coaching. I had organs fused together, ovarian cysts that would rupture, implants including one that shut down my ovaries and put me into menopause at 19 which meant I could never carry my own child. I had 4 diagnoses, and I was told the conditions I am facing have no cure and will be with me for the remainder of my life and I also had my partner at the time abandon our relationship extremely suddenly & unexpectedly. I felt like I lost everything that gave my life & future purpose & I felt all aspects of hope & happiness fade to nothingness. I fell into a depthless dark hole; I fell so fast I couldn’t have the capacity to even consider all of the love & life I still had to live for. I reached rock bottom when I opened my drawer full of strong medications and took handful after handful until my body shut down completely. Sadly, my friend decided she would come round to collect the things she had left at my house weeks before and found me face down on the floor. It took the paramedics hours to revive me, and I agreed to be voluntarily admitted to their mental health institute & remained there for about a week. I saw first-hand the pain I had caused my family. I was forced to witness the suffering I had transferred to all that loved me in an attempt to escape it. How could I have not considered this at the time? I felt like the world and everyone in my life would be better without the burden of me & my lifelong conditions, and my suffering in that moment completely consumed me, it was so immense it seemed like the only option & escape. But it did not eliminate that pain or suffering, it simply transferred it to those I hold so dearly. I made a promise to myself & to everyone that loves me that I would never let myself get back to that place, that I would find a way to navigate my life moving forward despite the hand I had been dealt & that I would strive to find happiness.

Fast forward to today, I have spent the last 6 & a half years digging deep within & shining light on all of the darkness, healing every aspect of myself. I have built a beautiful life for myself & can often manage my conditions so well some people won’t even realise that I suffer with multiple chronic conditions & live in constant pain. I find gratitude every single day even when it gets hard, when you’ve been lost in the darkness you learn to appreciate everything that shines & I never realised that immense suffering also opens your heart space & allows for immense happiness & the capacity to love harder than you could’ve otherwise.

It’s not to say that I haven’t suffered since. I’ve had many ups & downs, to name just one of my heartbreaks, that friend that is the reason I’m still alive, I dedicated my all to afterwards. I had been forced out of everything in my life so I had all day every day to do anything & absolutely everything I could to help her & my family in any way I could. Everyone joked that I was her mum as I became her chauffeur, bank/ATM, I’d cook & clean everything & cater to her every request only to have her use & abuse the immeasurable guilt & generosity I gave and had it all thrown back in my face when I tried to step out & move on from all of this by starting a new life overseas, she had been stealing from me the entire time, broke my phone, laptop & damaged my car & made an immense effort to spread lies & attempt to make as many people hate me as she could. She is now an influencer with a substantial following and as deeply as she hurt me I continued to protect her, kept secrets that would’ve prevented her from getting to the influencer status she so desperately desired and have always only wanted the best for her which shows me how strong I really am & that I never really lost myself completely despite it feeling as such, time & time again.

If you rearrange the letters in depression you get “I pressed on” and if there is one hope I have for humanity it’s that when you find yourself struggling, that no matter what, you find it within yourself to just keep fighting. Your current situation is not your final destination and I promise the best is yet to come. How I got through my suffering has become a survival guide. It’s a journey filled with breakdowns & breakthroughs, finding it within yourself to ask & receive the support we all need & be patient, kind & loving to yourself along the way. I still suffer immensely in many ways, as we all do, but the deeper I dove within & the more I worked toward gaining control of my mind, my reality changed completely & my perspective forever more. I never thought I’d be grateful for the pain I had to endure, but I am not a victim of my trauma. I am the warrior I created from the depths of my suffering & it is my greatest honour to be her. Please, please keep fighting. I promise, one day, you’ll be so thankful that you did. 

Emilie

I was born wide-eyed and smiling with a head full of red hair. The eldest child of five. The only girl in my family (apart from my Mum) with four younger brothers. My youngest brother was born when I was sixteen years old.

From a very young age (a baby) I was singled out (mainly for my red hair at first) and because of this I always felt like there was something different about me. I have always been extremely sensitive to people and felt all my emotions deeply. A wonderful, wild and unbridled imagination. With an innate knowing that love is the greatest and most important thing in the world. I had trouble not speaking my thoughts out loud and have always had an unwavering disdain for injustice.

I remember being ten years old and questions like “what happened to that girl to make her want to hurt me?” “Why won’t they leave me alone?” “Why won’t they stop being mean to me?” And I was genuinely curious. I really wanted to know. To figure out what was going on in their hearts and minds to lead them to want to hurt others. Curiosity helped me look at these things from a different perspective than my peers. Simultaneously feeling victimised (not that I knew what that word meant at the time, but I knew what it felt like).

My whole life I felt completely misunderstood and like I sat on the outside of every social group. Even if I was at the centre. No matter what I did I felt like I never fit in. And all my efforts fit in simply made me stand out even more.

For little me, making people happy felt like the way to fit in and to be accepted and loved. I became a perfectionist and a people pleaser. Putting aside my feelings and needs to make others happy and comfortable. Yet I was plagued by an inner spirited stubbornness that nagged me constantly that no matter what I did or how much effort I put in I was never going to be good enough and that I would never be truly loved for who I am inside. For the person that I am.

I continued to feel misunderstood and unloved. Not that I was unloved. But my loved ones didn’t know how I needed to be shown love and neither did I. So I rarely received the kind of love that I desperately yearned for.

Throughout my school years I experienced constant bullying, mocking, taunting, horrible rumours being spread about me and my family. I was the victim of physical abuse, sexual assault and harassment, emotional and mental manipulation, molestation and rape on multiple occasions.

What made these terrible things even worse was that no one ever believed me or took me seriously. I was called a liar, an attention seeker and a drama queen by people that I adored and trusted. Not to mention people at school and in the community. Even teachers believed the rumours and lies spread about me and my family. And they would never intervene when I had been assaulted, verbally or physically.

I was neglected, rejected, abandoned and outcast by my school, community and even my own family.

I was always a very spiritual person and a complete romantic (just another subject of ridicule for my bullies). But I always had this feeling in my gut and my heart that there was something bigger, something more than the physical world that I could see and touch in front of me.

Without even realising it I had been drawn and fascinated by world religions, spiritual and cognitive practices, the science behind the link between vibrational frequency and human consciousness, emotions and thought processes. The soul and the spirit. Our connection to the unseen world. The idea of enlightenment and ascension and above all God.

Throughout this journey of learning, observing, analysing, experiencing and experimenting I have had a soundtrack playing in the background of my life because for the longest time music was my outlet, my inspiration, motivation and the way I tried to express what was going on inside of me. Music was the way in which I tried to win people’s hearts, love and affection. And was filled with a hope to be listened to, loved and finally understood.

I love to sing, I love to think, I love to imagine and dream. I love to love. I love to garden. I love my family and friends. I love everyone and I can’t help it. I tried to not love everyone but it just felt wrong. I have hated very few people in my life and even those people I love. My heart breaks for those who felt the impulse to hurt someone who never did anything to them. I wonder still what must they have been through to get to this point? I feel for everyone. I love everyone. And I love God. I love nature so deeply. To me all of God’s creation is the definition of perfection.

I see this universe and all that exists as a magnificent work of art. Ever evolving, ever moving, ever changing. The Earth being the crown jewel of this galaxy. Everything in existence vibrating and radiating at unique frequencies creating a symphony of sounds that make up the soundtrack of creation. The beauty to behold is breathtaking. Every sense gifted with the ability to experience God’s creation and the duality of life. To fully appreciate the magnitude of excellence and to respect the power required to create such a phenomenal work of art.

I’m 33 years old, I have two children, both boys. Jack, aged 12 and Clark, aged 6. I’ve had 7 miscarriages and so far my longing for a daughter has not come to fruition.

My father was adopted as a baby and that inspired me to want to adopt a child one day. If I never get to adopt and give a home to a child that needs one I will still continue to live, learn and love. My passion for loving and helping people has lead me to be an ambassador for an orphanage in Uganda. And I couldn’t be more proud of the work we are doing together.

My deep desire to help and love people and for being my true authentic self is part of what makes me the person I am today.

Over the decades I’ve been on this Earth I have slowly but surely been able to finally start letting the world see me for who I am. Rather than trying to squeeze into a mold that I will simply never fit.

I have been married for 10 years and my wonderful husband Jared and I have been together and in love for 14 years. We have been to hell and back together. We have fought and worked together to build an incredible relationship and friendship. We met at music school and I fell in love with him instantly. First with his talent and dedication and then his heart. Our passion for music, life and our love for each other is the cornerstone of what makes our relationship so strong.

Before I met Jared I had never truly felt loved (despite having a wonderful family)

We learnt how each other needs to have love expressed to us and because of this our marriage is one deeply rooted in understanding one another, making sure we always show love, respect and appreciation for one another.

We have been on a spiritual journey together and as individuals over the past few years. This spiritual journey has brought us closer than ever before. Our love has grown and we are more in love than ever before. It has strengthened our bond even more than I ever thought it could be.

My wonderful husband and best friend has helped me learn that I am worthy of love and that I am an amazing person who doesn’t need to and in fact shouldn’t hide who I truly am. He taught me that my empathy and ability to love all people is something to celebrate and cherish instead of condemning and shaming.

He has helped me learn to love myself the way I love others. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without him and his love. I also wouldn’t be the same person without every other person who has been a part of my life.

My parents are wonderful people and I am so blessed to be their daughter. My only wish is that they know how much I love, respect and appreciate them for everything they are and have done. Despite the things they may have done as a direct reaction to their own life traumas and struggles. They did the best they could with what they knew and had experienced in life. And they did and amazing job. I love them so much.

My brothers are the coolest people I know and I am so blessed to be their sister. All the people in my life are a blessing. My children, my friends and my family. Whether we see each other often or not and even if there has been animosity between us in the past. I love them all so incredibly deeply. I wish I could put into words how much they all mean to me. But there are no words to describe how much I care about them.

I know now that I am as worthy as they all are of my love. I deserve to love myself. It’s not always been easy but the more I practice self-love, the more I do love myself and the world and the people around me.

If I could leave this world with one parting gift, one little piece of me… it would be my ability to love those who have wronged me. My ability to love everyone.

It’s one of my greatest strengths, if not my greatest. It’s something that I hope will inspire all those around me and I hope that they will continue to teach and inspire all those around them in the same way.

Love yourself as you love others. And love those that don’t know how to love because that’s how we learn to love… by experiencing it. I love you so much. Thank you for being here and for just being your beautiful self.

Svenja

My name is Svenja and I’m a 29 year old artist.

I faced many difficult challenges throughout my life. From an early age of 13 I struggled with eating disorders anorexia and bulimia followed by self harm and a suicide attempt. There was a lot of shame about being me and my body. I didn’t feel like I had a place in this world. There was something wrong with me. I had a difficult childhood, not because my parents didn’t love me, they certainly did, but my mothers illness and a dysfunctional family dynamic lead to missing out on learning how to take on life in a healthy way. After spending years in therapy and finally managing my weight and eating habits the root cause of my troubles still remained and I started drinking heavily to numb myself. I couldn’t bear to be me. I made many mistakes that I’m not proud of. I’ve been through abusive relationships and rape which left me feeling lonely and even more ashamed.

About four years ago I made a cut and left Germany to start over in New Zealand. It was a difficult time. I was alone, new language, foreign country, I went from job to job and tried to build something from nothing. I had hope but unfortunately I couldn’t outrun my past. I was still drinking four bottles of wine a day and couldn’t manage to do anything before my morning drink to soothe the withdrawals. I tried to stop so many times I lost count. Something needed to change at my core. How I saw myself and the world around me. I was very fortunate to meet some amazing people along the way and it took me another few years and the support of my partner, friends, family and colleagues to finally make a change, to do everything I can to be a better person. Striving for the best version of me. I had my last drink over a year ago now and I am happier than ever. I forgot that there was a me that loves life and can see the beauty of it. As if there was a dark cloud hovering over my head and the more I opened my heart the more it dissipated. 

I’m honored to have this opportunity to share my story and it is just the beginning of it. I still have a long way to go, every day comes with new challenges and it’s certainly not easy but my mindset and my intentions have changed over the past years. I’m claiming my life back. I learn to be responsible and to take care of myself and I am so grateful for the people, the love and the opportunities that have come my way. Instead of being ashamed of my past I try to see it as a part of me now that needs healing. I can’t change what happened but I can change who I am today and do better as well as supporting others moving forward. 

Frankie

I am 22 years old and my name is Alyssa, but I go by Frankie. I haven’t been able to get over my personal story.

Michelle

Gabriela Alves

How much power do you have over your life? It’s crazy that it doesn’t matter how organized you are, no matter how many plans you make, how ready you feel, things still can go completely out of our hands. My name is Gabriela and my story is about “Resilience” I’m from Brazil and I came to New Zealand in 2017 to study English. I fell in love with the country, for the challenges and for the life over here. I came here without knowing anyone, my first job was as a waitress in a catering company. I was living in a flat sharing the bed with my friend to save money. After 3 years, I was still in New Zealand and so proud of everything that I have achieved. I graduated from a Business course. I was living in my own room, I was working with something that I loved and I had found the love of my life, my  partner.

Everything was going really well and I decided to go to Brazil to visit my family for the first time after 3 years in New Zealand. Oliver went with me, as I wanted him to meet my family. I was planning the trip for ages, I was really emotional about going to Brazil, really anxious. The year was 2020, everything was going as planned, I was thrilled to be around my family and friends, and one of the best moments of my life happened, when my partner proposed to me. We were living the dream, so happy, so in love! My partner came back to New Zealand before me, I was going to stay 2 weeks more in Brazil to enjoy my family, and it is from that where my plans got out of my control, the rumours of a Pandemic it wasn’t a rumour anymore, suddenly it became something really serious and the whole world panic. A week before my departure from Brazil, I started getting worried about not being able to get on the Airplane to New Zealand, I changed my flight, but it was too late, New Zealand closed the borders for the whole world.

I remember till now when I received the news, I didn’t panic, I didn’t have any reaction, I just accepted. In my mind the borders were going to be closed only for a few weeks or months, so I was ok about it, especially because I could spend some more time with my family. During the lockdown in Brazil I have spent some really good time with my Mom and sister, but it was hard to have to deal with the distance with my partner because we had no idea when we were able to see each other again. After a few months in the same situation I started panic, I  lost my job in New Zealand, I had to put my room, I was far away from the love of my life and things started getting really bad in Brazil.

My life went from a free soul to a bird in a cage, I was feeling that I was losing my life, everything that I had achieved in New Zealand was gone. I have never felt so weak in my whole life, I was stuck in the past or in the future but never in my present. Me and my partner were supporting each other but after so long we were both devastated. We used to video call every single day, but after a while it was getting harder and harder. Life came back to normal in New Zealand. I was happy for my partner, so then we could at least have a life but on the other hand our realities became completely the opposite, I could feel that I was losing him in tiny bits. I had to learn how to be happy again, how to enjoy the little moments inside that apartment, my mom and my sister helped me a lot, we created a beautiful connection. After 1 year apart from each other, me and Oliver started to get so depressed, so hopeless, I will never forget the call we had where we couldn’t stop crying because we didn’t know what to do anymore. We couldn’t believe what was happening with us, it was so sad and we had no idea when the borders were going to be open, it could take years.

Because of this sadness we decided to break-up for a while, such a hard decision but necessary for us to be able to find ourselves again, fully our own love to be able to give love again. After a while, I decided to apply to get into the Country one last time, I was so not motivated
after so many NO. This last time I decided to put all my emotions in the letter for immigration, and somehow they listened to me and accepted me back, and after nearly 2 years apart from my love, I was finally able to come back. I felt like a dream coming true, I will never forget the magic moment of our first hug. It felt as if I had never left, our connection shined up, we couldn’t believe it, it was one of the best emotions I have ever felt, at that moment, I knew we were made for each other. Today, after that thunderstorm we felt that it was meant to be. It makes us stronger as individuals and stronger as a couple, we have never been so happy and sure about our love.

This whole history taught me so much, it taught me that we need to accept that things are out of our hands, we can’t control everything in our life. It gave me such a strong mindset, hard times look like they are going to be forever, but they’re not, we just need to keep going, living, accepting and embracing all our feelings, understanding our emotions, asking for help and to be able to withstand adversity and bounce back from difficult life events. Being resilient does not mean a person doesn’t experience stress, emotional upheaval, and suffering. Resilience involves the ability to work through emotional pain and suffering. We cannot control everything around us, but I believe we can choose how we will deal with everything around us. Life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

Lucy Verde Roze

“I had to laugh at myself ironically when Ilan asked if anything bad had ever happened to me, if I’d like to share my story on his beautiful Windows to the Soul portrait series.

Sharing my story is a huge privilege, so of course my answer was “yes, thank you so much.”

The question of bad things happening is a matter of perspective.

There are dozens of points of trauma throughout my life, hence my reaction to laugh, with so many aspects I could choose to focus on.

I could look at my childhood – my mother’s suicide and surrounding events, our exodus from Zimbabwe’s dictatorship, then culture shock and struggles of integration into a Western society.

I could talk about being raped, losing myself to drugs and alcohol, or PTSD from front-line activism. Just the conditioning of this world and feeling so alien led me to depression, bulimia and suicidal thoughts.

But the most challenging is that my life has been riddled with narcissists doing their best to get their claws into me.

For two years, one young lady did all she could to twist and steal absolutely everything from me.

She tried to keep me separated from unconditional love with my partner, to take for herself the ways I look, my ideas, my activism, the words I use, even my mannerisms. She tried to completely suppress my life’s purpose, Paradise Rizing Studios, and our incredible movement of artists.

It felt like she was tiring to kill me but if I had died, she would have lost one of her favourite toys to play with.

The funny thing is, her attempts have led to massive soul evolution for myself, time and space for love with my love to heal, deepen, strengthen and mature, and a phenomenal global artist movement growing up to bring us together.

So how could I hate her? How could I hold anger towards her when my future has been created out of this darkness?

My heart has been blasted so wide open I am deeply grateful to her for her incessant attempts to break my soul.

It has actually manifested my ultimate dream reality and surrounded us in the most profound unconditional love imaginable.

I truly wish her nothing but peace.”

Helen

Trigger Warning: Discussion of physical & emotional abuse.

This comes as a surprise to some people (sometimes I reflect back in total disbelief – it’s easy to think it wouldn’t happen to you) but this time 5 years ago I was trying to leave an abusive relationship. Over the space of 12 months I had made multiple attempts to leave. I couldn’t tell you why I’d go back each time, only that the general belief, held by all parties was that it was all I deserved. 

How did I end up there? I was an intelligent, strong willed young woman who had very clear views about domestic abuse & those who inflict it. But, although I didn’t really acknowledge it, I was, at that point in my life very alone. I had few close friends, and this was complimented by a distant relationship with my family & not much in the way of self-worth.

I was so desperate to be loved, to be chosen, that I ignored the early red flags (I called myself difficult & needy instead). He charmed me – nice dinners, a holiday, buying me clothes etc. But when he moved in with me, things started to slip, slowly at first.

I remember the first time we really fought. A neighbour called the cops. He played nice to them & angrily blamed me for it later. If I had only not gotten upset, he wouldn’t have gotten angry at me. I cringe now when I think of how I grovelled & apologised to him. 

 Every fight we had would cripple me with shame & self-hatred. I was reading every article I could on healthy relating. I went to therapy to try and isolate the problem in myself so I could cut it out & patch myself back together. I thought if I could fix myself, he would stop getting angry with me. If I could just stop being difficult, he’d stop cutting me off, refusing to talk to me for days at a time or kicking me out at all hours of the morning.

But you can’t fix a relationship by yourself, and you can’t heal yourself in order to stop someone else hurting you.

 It took him two years to hit me. The first thing he did after he whacked me was tell me it was a mistake & to not tell anyone. And I didn’t, not for months. Not until well after I finally got out.

He only hit me once. I wish I could say that that was because I left, but it was because he seemed to prefer other tactics – dragging me over furniture to kick me out, holding me against the wall by my throat, once he even picked me up and physically threw me onto the concrete outside, amongst other things.

I list all these physical things, but in honesty, those things were secondary to the verbal & emotional abuse & the scars it left.
I still experience emotional flashbacks, triggered by any number of things – some identified, some which take me by surprise – in which it’s as if I shift into a dual existence, with the memories & emotions overlaying reality like a double exposure photograph, and my mind will react to the Now as if it was the Then. It’s exhausting & confusing and sometimes lasts for hours.

 I still get panicky if someone misunderstands me and sometimes if people react in a neutral, emotionless manner (especially in a romantic relationship) my reflex response is fear. Its frustrating & difficult, I often feel sorry for those who have had to deal with me in my darkest moments.

I wish I could be more upbeat about it all, and say I’m now a happy, confident woman with a loving husband & a house full of animals but recovering from these kinds of things is a long & difficult road. In saying that I’m slowly healing. I’m in therapy &n the progress I’m making, uneven as it is, is leading me into a world where I can be vulnerable with others, feel safe expressing myself & enjoy authentic connections with a selection of truly wonderful friends.

 I also have a career as a personal trainer & pole dance teacher. I love my work and am hugely passionate about creating a safe space for others to get in touch with their bodies, express themselves & explore their physical potential – all things I found immense value in as I was putting myself back together. 

I don’t have any advice for those affected by abuse that isn’t talked about more articulately elsewhere. Removing yourself from abusive dynamics is never as simple as it might seem from the outside, and it follows that advice that works for one person won’t work for another. All I can say is – try to hold onto your Self, in whatever capacity you can & when you are ready to make the move, you will know. The road out is tough, but every step is worth it.

Dana Costello

I had a beautiful golden childhood full of love, warmth and happiness. My mother got sick when I was eight with an autoimmune disease, she couldn’t walk. She was so unwell and needed around the clock care from my dad. Six months later my dad died. He was out tramping for the day with his friends, a young fit and healthy man. He had a heart attack and dropped dead. My world as I knew it exploded. My mum packed up and moved us to the West Coast of the South Island, to escape all the memories of dad. I was in a completely new town, no friends, no family and stuck with my bed ridden mother. By the age of nine I could cook a three course meal. Mum was too sick to feed me. I was in complete survival mode. Whenever mum would get up I would just want to hide, she was on over 15 different medications a day, she had road rage and would take it out on me. I solely bore the brunt of her pain. This was my reality all the way into my teenage years. When I was 13 our house burnt down and we lost nearly everything.

Again another massive loss and hurdle to conquer. When I was 16 I got extremely sick with meningococcal disease, it took months to be able to walk and move around properly again. It damaged my eyes and I needed glasses. I moved out of home at 16. I went back to Nelson to work for the summer and ended up staying. I would go to school during the week and work all of my weekends to be able to pay rent and afford food for the week. This was my reality for the remainder of high school. I had a lot of questions about religion, so after school I studied and got a diploma in biblical studies. But my true passion was to join the navy. My dad and brother were in the navy and from the age of 12 it was my dream. I joined at the age of 21 and haven’t looked back. I’ve now been in the navy for two years, pursuing the career of my dreams. I’ve met the man of my dreams and am so in love. For the first time in a long time I am happy, loved and appreciated. I don’t regret anything from my past, I wouldn’t change a thing. It has made me who I am today, a strong young woman.

Tara Kartya Amoretti

Roma

I struggled with identity,
I still do, but I’m learning.

I’ve always struggled with mental health issues and after going through multiple violent trauma and being Passed around a very flawed mental health system, a few years ago finally I got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which is 110% a completely misunderstood disorder to say the least.

It can affect multiple aspects of your life and is different for everyone who experiences it. For me, my sense of self and emotional control and thought patterns are mostly affected.
Which means I can be very reactive to situations, sometimes more than what’s accepted by others and always more than I wanted to.
My thoughts can get mixed up because there are too many, or I have one thought that does not leave my mind and it can become an obsession.
Knowing who I am as a person and what I want can also be challenging. 

I teach children’s yoga and mindfulness as it was something that helped me when nothing else could and to hopefully set up our kids for an open minded self-accepting future with skills, tools and the ability to cope better with the roller coaster of our emotional stressful lives.

I like to model so I know exactly who to be at that moment.
I find it freeing, almost trapping myself in a ‘character’ or a ‘setting’ you could say.
For a short period of time I know what to do, who to be and how to do it.

I said yes to taking part in this display of beautiful women for the chance to feel like I am exactly who I am meant to be for a short period of time.
To empower other women to feel like they can be themselves not just for a short period of time but all of the time,
To feel beautiful and strong, ugly and weak, put together and messy all at the same time because that’s what life is and we should be so fucking proud of it.
You can’t have one without the other.
You may not be able to have everything you have ever wanted.
But you can have your own slice of perfection and that perfection is you.

Mareah

Gabrielle

What you see is a beautiful strong Polynesian women. When you look close enough you’ll see a women who escaped death multiple times. A women who refused to let this cold world steal her joy! Deep scars embedded into her as memory of her dark past. Despite all these circumstances were designed to destroy her, none defined who she is today. She remains grateful, taking one day at a time. My name Gabrielle. I am NZ Strongest Women, a mother to two beautiful children. Life is what you make it, don’t count the days – make them count.

Devi

Hayley

My name is Hayley, I am a 26 year old woman born and bred in a small New Zealand town called Warkworth. I spent my first 18 years of life there and then moved to the Gold Coast for a year to have an OE. I came back and was very stuck on what to do with my life, that’s when I decided to apply for a position as a flight attendant. I got into this career at 18 years of age and then progressed into a management role 2 years later. Within my time at Air New Zealand I lost a very dear partner of mine and that has had a huge effect on my life. Grief is a very hard thing to go through but I believe it makes you very strong, I wanted to make sure my partner would be proud of me so i continued to grow within my career and then decided I wanted to go to Europe on my own for a few months to travel and to truly find myself. I ended up going to 20 countries backpacking all around Europe and met some incredible friends that I will have for life. I’ve always been a huge sucker for the saying “travelling is like fuel for the soul” because it really is. You only get one life and I believe it is worth living to the absolute best potential that you can.

Kim

I’m Kim, I’m 27 and I’m a Registered Nutritionist and Master NLP practitioner who helps women ditch the diets, nourish themselves confidently and get back to their healthiest self, all while enjoying food and life. ⁠
⁠After battling a wide range of eating disorders as a teen including bulimia, binge eating disorder, anorexia, and poor body image, followed by listening to countless women talk about their own struggles with food and their body, I have made it my life’s mission ⁠
to prevent and end the suffering women experience through dieting. ⁠
My dream is that one day we will no longer have waitlists for eating disorder treatment and that our daughters grow up knowing that their worth has nothing to do with how their bodies.

If you had asked me a year ago, how did you recover from your eating disorder without getting any therapy? ⁠I wouldn’t have been able to answer. ⁠
⁠
I just remember waking up one day, and I decided. It’s just not worth it anymore. ⁠
⁠
I NOW understand all the things that led to that decision on a brain-based, level but the most IMPORTANT shift that happened was….⁠
⁠
I realised the COST of NOT CHANGING was too high. ⁠
⁠
The COST of this food and body obsession included: ⁠
⁠
👉Not being the role model that I wanted to be for other women out there (including my future daughter) ⁠
⁠
👉Missing out on creating happy memories at special family events, because I was so focused on the food or what Id look like if a photo was taken. ⁠
⁠
👉Dealing with health issues like osteoporosis when I’m 50, from undernourishment caused by dieting. ⁠
⁠
👉Pushing away a supportive partner, from being snappy and irritated whenever he wanted a pizza night (for fear of the calories and impact on my body)

I can’t get back my 6 years, but I hope myself and my clients can inspire you to not waste another day without taking action to fix something that’s having a big impact on your life. ⁠

Nicola

I’m a woman with two sides.

One side of me is a strong and confident single mother with three children, who is proud of the woman I am and can value how hard I work. I give all I can and open my heart up to everyone. No challenge too hard and no excuse ever stands in my way. I will always do what ever it takes to be the best person I can be and treat others with respect and kindness. I will push myself to breaking point to be the best woman and mother I can be for my children. I know who I am and am confident and proud of who I am.

The other side of me struggles with the loss of my child family & friends, the loneliness of being single, the disappointment of a marriage ended and the betrayal of my trust, the pain of my body failing me, the heartache of raising children with disabilities, the sorrow of leaving a home and having my friends living across the other side of the world, the battle of trying to do everything on my own and the confusion of being hurt so many times. I’m insecure about my physical appearance and question if anyone could see past that to value the woman I know I am.

Life has it’s challenges and as hard as some experiences are they’re what make or break us and show us just how strong we can be. I choose to fight and grow stronger with each experience, to show my children that no matter how hard things can get that you always need to do your best. Take time to try new things, push my limits and become the strongest version of myself.

No one will experience a life like yours, no one will understand your pain, your love & your limits the way you do. Just as you will never understand exactly how someone else truly feels. We should all show kindness, respect & patience to everyone, for we never know when someone is on the edge of their limitations.

Janaina Chaves Aguiar

“My name is Janaina Chaves Aguiar. I am 32 years old, originally from Brazil. When I see my life in a big picture, the perspective from where I look from is always very positive. I grew up surrender with lots of love and care from my parents, grandmother, aunties, and cousins! I have great memories of my childhood enjoying the beach, being happy at school, and playing with my friends. It doesn’t stop at all! Of course, life happens and we all go through some challenges, things, and people that we need to learn to accept as they are, and with time you can just feel compassion and learn something about all the experiences and people around you.

Fernanda

I’m Fernanda, 33 years old. Originally from Brazil but at the age of 18 , I left home and went looking for new opportunities and a new life overseas. I was raised in the old school way, joined a church that pushed me to live up to very high standards but prevented me from having a voice, to be seen and to know who I really was. I was restricted to what clothes I could wear, because god forbidden I showed some skin! Apparently my shoulders were too tempting for males so I had to cover it, same with my legs, if my garments weren’t down to knee height, I was considered immodest and got looked down upon. As I grew older, I followed the society rules, I tried to be the good girl as that’s what it was expected of me. I got married young, because apparently that was the right thing to do. I tried hard to do everything the right way. I realised that even though I tried hard, I was unhappy and living a very unfulfilled life. Eventually I got tired of feeling that way. I let my guard down and allowed myself to experience life, to explore my thoughts and to find out who I really was. I’ve made mistakes, but they helped me to shape the new me. I led with my heart, I had that broken multiple times. After being straight all my life, at 33 the universe decided to throw a plot twist in my life and made me fall for a woman. My heart then got broken one more time, as it does, but it opened my mind to a whole new world and gave me feelings I had never felt before. The rest of my story is unwritten, but this time around I’ll be the author. I won’t let society dictate what I should and shouldn’t do. My mission now is to help others feel as free as I do, empower and encourage people to find their purpose and live a meaningful life, designed by no one other than themselves.

Paige Marie

My name is Magnolia. But I go by the name Paige Marie because I’ve never liked my real name. I am 21 years old and I was born in New Zealand and I am half Dutch.

I’ve found modelling liberating because it’s helped me find inner piece with my body. I’ve always been slightly bigger and have had insecurities about not fitting the social norms which I’m sure most girls can relate to. The eyes to the soul photo shoot let me show my confidence I’ve given myself after many years of negative towards my own body image.

The one thing I’ve learnt over many years is that the way you talk to yourself is more important than the way others talk about you. Talk to yourself the way you talk to others. Tell yourself you’re beautiful. Remind yourself your body does amazing things everyday for you. Remind yourself it’s normal for your body to change everyday as it carries you through life.

Every body is unique and beautiful in its own way. Be kind to yourself. I wish I learnt to be kind to myself earlier.

Lilly

Karin

Who am I?

I am a daughter of the king, creator of the universe, a princess, a spiritual warrior, one who has overcome many battles by faith, hope and love.

Never giving up faith to hope and believing in love, to love with all my heart, to embrace the good and the bad and to see the beauty in it all.

Life is an adventure and a story, a time to learn and a time to choose. Life is short, eternity is forever.

There are two kingdoms: kingdom of good and the kingdom of evil. I believe that in this world you get to taste both kingdoms. You have the freedom in life to search which kingdom you want to choose from. I have seen much darkness in my life. I have been raped, used, abused and betrayed by the people I trusted most. But I have also seen far more beauty and goodness.

I have chosen to forgive and to love instead of being angry or hateful. I have chosen to be part of the kingdom of good and to live in freedom. Not religion in love and not hate in peace. I am in gratitude to all that life has to offer and in excitement for what eternity has in store for me.

Karin Kreutz

The most problematic thing about the abortion debate is that, at the crux, it’s about someone forcing their belief system on another person. When really, freedom to believe what you choose is a human right. That’s what this whole debate boils down to: belief on the beginning of life. Some people who get pregnant use science to inform their belief system. They should be allowed to hold that belief and act on it accordingly.

But I’m interested in how spiritual discussions around abortion have been siloed into the pro-life argument, yet they reach into the pro-choice rationale too.
My heart sank, as many do, when those two little lines faded into focus in my workplace bathroom. It sank because – and it still angers me to this day to admit this – I was in an abusive domestic relationship. My heart sank because I knew instantly there was no way in hell I would go through with it. I was not going to bring that mental torture and physical abuse on another living soul.

It was comforting to know the option of abortion was there, but I was confused as to why there were weeks’ worth of delays when I had already made my decision. It meant that, while I could have an abortion, I was not allowed to decide when. The undue stress that added to an already traumatic time was not OK. I am a spiritual person who doesn’t identify with a single religion. In fact, I believe they are all one and the same. My decision came from a spiritual place. These are my beliefs, born from my core values, based in my everyday and life-long experiences. I believed it was a potential life that I was thankful for, but circumstances meant I had to let it go. I did so with love, and tears. I haven’t yet told my story, due to the incredibly heavy stigma attached to those who choose the abortion route. It’s the stigma that says you’re a murderer. It’s horrific, it is not based in science, it does not match the stance of medical practitioner groups, and it doesn’t leave room for other spiritual beliefs. So many voices have been silenced while other people argue for laws that will force women to do things against their wills. And that’s just it. We return to the original debate: it is the pregnant person’s choice, no-one else’s. Especially not those who don’t have a clue what it’s like to live as a potential life-giver in a society like this.The fact that, under the current state of our law, abortion remains criminal, and a stranger – several of them actually – has to sign off on it, denies a person decent access to healthcare. It denies them the freedom to believe in what they choose. It also frustratingly delays the inevitable. The changes proposed in the Abortion Legislation Bill give those who can get pregnant the compassion of understanding that each case is different, and each decision is made of differing beliefs. They are modernised next steps that not only increase access to healthcare but also recognise and respect people’s right to their own beliefs.These fundamental human rights are at the crux of it. They are about the freedom to believe what you want. Just as people have the choice not to have an abortion based on their beliefs, I too should have the choice to have one.

Antonia

My name is Antonia and I’m a 29 year old Kiwi / Canadian, born here in New Zealand and lived most of my life in Auckland. I now live in the South Island in Queenstown, which I really love.
From a young age I struggled with anorexia and then depression. I still struggle with my mental health but it is getting better slowly. I’ve grown a lot in the last couple of years and really starting to find myself again. I’ve had some abusive relationships and traumatic events in my life but these have made me the person I am today. I still see the good in people and will continue to have empathy, even when people don’t deserve it. Modeling has given me a huge confidence boost as well as getting into the stripping industry (9 years ago). I now run my own business organising entertainment for private parties – I love it!
I hope to one day, no longer look in the mirror and pick out my flaws but see the beauty in my body, the strength and fierceness in my eyes.

Vivinane

My name is Viviane, I’m 39 years old and I’m from Southern Brazil. I came to New Zealand in November 2006 after graduating from Uni, I have a bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. When I came to New Zealand, I didn’t speak English and was leaving my parents house for the first time (apart from travelling). It was hard at first but it made me stronger and also made me realise how brave I am. I’m a “full time” Pinup,  I dress 50’s rockabilly every day. Bettie Page is my inspiration, I’ve been cutting my fringe like hers since the early 2000s.I joined ballet school when I was 3 years old and I’m still dancing. I had a break for a few years and now I do it for love. I also own a barbershop, I’ve been a barber since 2016 and I never thought I could cut hair in my life but I do! I learned (and still learning every day), worked in a few barbershops and now I have my own business. From washing dishes and not speaking English to a business owner, English speaker and New Zealand citizen. It’s never too late to learn and do what you want, believe in yourself! Sometimes things take time so, never give up, keep going till you get it!

Shannon

My name is Shannon. I am a 30 years old mother of two. I was born and grew up in Auckland, New Zealand. This was my first ever photoshoot so it was all very exciting to me and I feel very lucky to be a part of such a beautiful portfolio that Ilan has created. My story started 3 years ago when I had a life changing operation known as a gastric sleeve ,this is a weight loss procedure where they cut a big proportion of my stomach out which then helped me lose weight as it restricts my food intake. My heaviest was 128kgs. It took me just over a year to lose 64kgs. Two years after the gastric sleeve operation and once I had lost all the weight I wanted I had a lot of excess skin so I had this removed from my arms, my thighs as well as from my tummy. I am much more confident, happier now. I feel very blessed and fortunate to have the procedures that I’ve had. I can now say I am definitely living my best life. I will continue to work on my body now and get it as toned as it can be. This I feel is going to be the hardest part as I was never a fit person so exercise to me is a lot harder. But I’m determined to give it my best shot so I can continue to have a healthy lifestyle.

Nakita

Innocent eyes
You see eyes more heavy than most, as it carries baggage, heartache and pain, but most of all a story. A story of blame
Generations of blame, generations have come. Generations held strong not breaking their chain.
Isolation over solution.
Beautiful Seeds planted in stone cold concrete, beautiful seeds growing through the cracks. The cracks that developed over time, the cracks once yours, now mine.

Lily of the Valley

As the light shines in the shadows of the dark, flowers growing in the trenches like art.

Water falling, but not from the sky, From deep eyes, as an unwanted daughter cries.

To not be loved by a father leaves wounds of toxic traits.

love wanted but not accepted.
To push love away just to see if it would return. That’s comfort, That’s toxic.
like Lily of theValley, she’s dangerously beautiful.
Innocently toxic, As her elegant bell shaped body hangs over unaware she’s deadly.
To heal wounds that will soon become scars.
She’s vulnerable yet strong.
Stronger than most because she learnt her self worth alone.