Studio Photography | Ilan Wittenberg Photographer

Nick

My name is Nick and like every other person on Mother Earth, I fell into life totally unprepared for what my life might eventually become. My regrets (I’m sure like many others) I share a few, but the blessings I’ve received over following years have been many. While I could describe myself in many ways, maybe the most accurate would be that of an Adventurer. As I left school for the last time with the words of teachers ringing in my ears informing me that if I didn’t go on to university, I would ‘never amount to anything’..! Yet here I am after 30 years of traveling around the world (primarily on my own by choice), starting and running my own businesses, I realise now that the University of Life has enriched me as an individual, so very much more than any formal qualification could ever have.

Contrary to what we are all taught in school, ‘Life’ and what you make of it, and who we become, is determined by those experiences that we expose ourselves to. And what we eventually become determines what we are all eventually able to give back to the world, and particularly those around us.

As someone that had a passion for the ocean and riding waves from my earliest years, I still enter the ocean virtually every day regardless of the season or temperature. I embrace floating silently on my back alone for the sheer sense of peace and joy that it gives me. I can only imagine that is largely because we are all 60% made of water, and that being in the water is the closest I have come to that wonderful sense of ‘going home’.

My life’s ‘career experiences’ have included working in construction and property development in New Zealand and Papua New Guinea, 8 years as a commercial fisherman on the Abrolhos Islands and 2 years as a full time gold prospector in Western Australia, being selected to appear one of the first Reality TV programs and starting a computer software import/export and distribution business at a time in the UK when I could barely use a computer, painting houses in Sweden during winters where each day only provided 2 – 3 hours of sunlight, time in the Canary Islands as a property consultant, and eventually back on the Gold Coast in Australia owning a 5 office Real Estate business taking Australian properties to sell in Japan. Today I own an online education business that I started nearly 10 years ago which makes a significant contribution particularly to young people with Special Educational Needs. In each of these involvements I never underwent any formal training, or had any qualification other than having a willingness and desire to ‘learn on my feet’. And if I can do this, so can anyone else; the only secret is “wanting it enough”.

If I had to highlight my single greatest achievement, it would be still being married after 25 years and fathering my wonderful children, and it is this that has been the most memorable and meaningful experience of all. In a time when the concept of ‘marriage’ appears to be less appealing for some, it has been and continues to provide as many joys as it does challenges.

Apart from my love for the ocean, I have a passion for expressing myself through music and the words I write. I play a couple of instruments and have a passion for creating Melody. Music remains the single most powerful form of communication with just a small handful of different notes having the ability to bring tears to another person’s eyes.

Through everything else, the single most important thing I would share is that we all have the ability to improve the world; just one person at a time, AND by being prepared to lead from the front.

(c) Ilan Wittenberg

Beautiful Laura

(c) Ilan Wittenberg

Jesse Wynyard

Jesse Wynyard is the creator at Light Warrior Heroes. He is transformational speaker, hip-hop artist and master coach at Jesse Wynyard, uniting everyday heroes and empowering them to become champions. “I help ambitious, purpose driven individuals win in their personal and professional life on their own personal path to greatness.”

(c) Ilan Wittenberg

Syd Breeze

Hi my name is Syd Breeze, I had a bad incident happen to me when I just turned 21. I left work at 7:30pm, where I was wielding fire extinguishers. I was half-way home driving through Hobsonville, tired and exhausted from work. I had recently just finished working on my car, a mini cooper, so I was quite excited to drive it. But then as I turned the ‘S bend’ a drunk driver couldn’t take the corner and came over to my side of the road. We had a head on crash, we were both doing around 60mph, the police told me that’s like hitting a brick wall at 120mph. I was a typical young driver and was not wearing my seatbelt. I remember hitting the breaks and everything slowed down, and my mind went crystal clear. I could see the drunk driver coming towards me, and thinking to myself ‘this is going to really hurt’. My mind went blank and dark, I got knocked out. When I woke up, I was looking over my unconscious body with the ambulance officers working on me. Then I realized I had lifted out of my body. There was no pain, no fear, I felt weirdly calm. Before I knew it, everything went dark again and I opened my eyes and they were pulling me out of the car and moving me to the ambulance. The first thing said to me when I woke up was ‘you’re very lucky to be alive’. I received just under 200 stitches from smashing my head into the window screen and scalping the top of my head, and then about another 20 stitches in my arms and legs. Luckily, I received no broken bones. One thing I learnt from this accident is how fast life can end, so enjoy it each day as it comes. I’ve maintained this attitude right up to 63 years old.

(c) Ilan Wittenberg

Mom

(c) Ilan Wittenberg

Raanan

(c) Ilan Wittenberg

Tamsin Album

(c) Ilan Wittenberg

Lucy for Eyes to the Soul

Lucy Verde Roze

“I had to laugh at myself ironically when Ilan asked if anything bad had ever happened to me, if I’d like to share my story on his beautiful Windows to the Soul portrait series.

Sharing my story is a huge privilege, so of course my answer was “yes, thank you so much.”

The question of bad things happening is a matter of perspective.

There are dozens of points of trauma throughout my life, hence my reaction to laugh, with so many aspects I could choose to focus on.

I could look at my childhood – my mother’s suicide and surrounding events, our exodus from Zimbabwe’s dictatorship, then culture shock and struggles of integration into a Western society.

I could talk about being raped, losing myself to drugs and alcohol, or PTSD from front-line activism. Just the conditioning of this world and feeling so alien led me to depression, bulimia and suicidal thoughts.

But the most challenging is that my life has been riddled with narcissists doing their best to get their claws into me.

For two years, one young lady did all she could to twist and steal absolutely everything from me.

She tried to keep me separated from unconditional love with my partner, to take for herself the ways I look, my ideas, my activism, the words I use, even my mannerisms. She tried to completely suppress my life’s purpose, Paradise Rizing Studios, and our incredible movement of artists.

It felt like she was trying to kill me but if I had died, she would have lost one of her favourite toys to play with.

The funny thing is, her attempts have led to massive soul evolution for myself, time and space for love with my love to heal, deepen, strengthen and mature, and a phenomenal global artist movement growing up to bring us together.

So how could I hate her? How could I hold anger towards her when my future has been created out of this darkness?

My heart has been blasted so wide open I am deeply grateful to her for her incessant attempts to break my soul.

It has actually manifested my ultimate dream reality and surrounded us in the most profound unconditional love imaginable.

I truly wish her nothing but peace.”

(c) Ilan Wittenberg

Sian in Black

(c) Ilan Wittenberg

Blessed by Angels

Fran

Two months ago, on April 8th 2022, the biggest tragedy happened. I suddenly and very tragically lost the life of one of my younger children…I lost my son. My world suddenly crashed down around me much larger than ever before…I buried myself under layers and layers and more layers of the debris from this sudden crash and all the debris still floating around from all the smaller trauma from previous tragedy. I was broken into so many dusty pieces deep inside it was suddenly dark and cold and all I could see around me was all the heavy debris I felt was forever going to pin me in this deep dark place never to see light again. I wasn’t happy and was I ever happy? I wasn’t loved easily and was I ever loved at all? All the success I thought I had had suddenly was doomed with unsuccessfulness. How could I go on without something I loved so much how could I climb out from this deep dark space without someone I held so close to my heart how could I see or have any sight of the light I once had without my child whom I had suddenly so tragically lost in an instant. There was no right answers there was no more right somebodies there was no right feelings there was no more reason to yearn for better for myself. How could I give to anyone more how could I deserve anything more for myself and why would I to only suffer more and risk breaking more and with those around me. In total whirlwinds of confusion and pain I started to torture myself with these thoughts and feelings of being defeated being stuck being broken but encapsulated in this deep dark space. Overwhelmed I turned deeper inwards I covered myself over and over and over again with more debris blocking all the possible light and warmth and disturbance I might feel. So stuck in emotions I couldn’t even bring myself to train … Then stuck then immersed in darkness then cold My emotions bottled in this deep dark space with heavy debris around me started crying each little tear dropped became a whirl pool around me… I felt the suffocating from the debris subsided until I was drowning in it.

I was calling for help. I opened my eyes and my heart and took a big deep breath in and I found myself seeing the brightest shining warm colourful lights around me. In total disbelief of the elated feelings and the beautifulness of the bright shining light around me I took another deep breath again…. The sweet angels were all gathered around me and encouraged me with all my strength I had to breathe yet again. With my last breath I came to realise the warm sweet angel voices were of all of these who now stood confidently smiling with joy together surrounding me… their faces were so sweet and hearts so loving and gave me all the empowerment I needed to take that breath with much ease. It soon became clear my angels were all my darling children the ones I had been gifted through out all the adversity I had experienced in my past. Elated with joy and realisation all my children were everything I was yearning for. I only ever wanted to be happy, easily loved and successful at being. I wanted to be understood I wanted to be heard and I didn’t want to be different but I wanted to change for the better. The loudest clearest sweet angel voice could no longer be heard amongst the celebratory chatter but My heart knows it was that of the child I had just lost he was the one that led me back to the light! I know deep in my heart I will keep hearing you and you will keep hearing me and that’s something special I will always hold dear to me forever more. You have taught me the most valuable of life’s lessons. You always were proud of me and my bodybuilding always proud of mummies muscles and how strong they made me feel and how strong you knew I was and had built myself block by block of me from the inside out. For the rest of my beautiful warm sweet angels I will stay here with you and among you for as long as you need me and I know that with you all we can be strong enough to fight together any struggles adversities…you are and always were all that I need.

Each drop that fell sunk me deeper and deeper and also the drops got louder echoing in the whirlpool around me… feeling numb helpless so very tired and loosing all will to fight it any longer the turmoil and sound of the drops started to fade. There was silence… I was hitting the bottom but there was a sense of peace there… my mind felt buoyant and somewhat calm… I couldn’t breathe but I didn’t feel the need to.. I could rest and be still. As suddenly as this moment arose I soonly heard the voices of sweet angels calling me. The angels voices were so sweet and warm and I was drawn to their beautifulness with much enticement. I didn’t care to be in this deep dark cold place I had burrowed myself into but to follow the warmth of the sweet voices I then heard above me. I didn’t care to be hit with all the huge amounts of heavy debris that had fallen on top of me I knew I was physically strong from my training but if only I could follow the warm sweet voices calling me to be with them. Then fearless of any more hurt and pain knowing full well I could not ever loose much more I reached out my hand slowly at first and then with force in some desperation to catch those with the warm sweet voices calling me…. As my hand reached up as high as it could I called back I called saying I am here I called stating I was deep down I was feeling stuck but I could hear them and I needed some help to catch up to them. As soon as I spoke out loud I felt the warmest realest most satisfying sensation i have ever experienced. I felt my hand being reached for and touched too I could still hear the warmth and sweetness of the angel voices fulfil me. I felt from my fingertips right down to my feet the most beautiful of sensations. I called out again to reassure the angel voices I was hearing them… I was following them…

Throughout this journey mentally and physically bodybuilding has been my key. No matter what else is going I. In my life the gym is always there too. The daily routines and disciplines learnt have helped my mental health immensely and I will no doubt continue on this journey to keep building myself from the inside out.

I will happy, I am loved easily and unconditionally and I am successful at being me!

Today I am here a proud mother of eight beautiful children including my darling angel and a grandmother to two beautiful grandchildren.

I am not perfect and that’s ok but I am present and strong and will continue to get stronger Blessed by my forever angels.

(c) Ilan Witteberg

Chris

It feels like so long since you went away. We said we would do this together. Why did you have to leave?

I don’t feel strong enough to do this alone. I hide from it. I mask it. I wear a costume to be someone else. Someone happy. Like if no one can see the sadness then maybe I won’t feel it. But it stays. Someone said you must have been needed somewhere else. But who could need you more than we do.

She wants to know why you had to leave. I don’t know what to say. She wants to know when you’re coming home. I don’t have the words. She wants me to brush her hair the way you do. She wants me to do plaits but I don’t know how. She cuddles your teddy bear every night. We both do. She draws pictures of you. Pictures of our little family. We put them on the fridge and it breaks my heart. Why did you have to leave?

———

It feels like so long since you went away. It’s been almost twenty years. I was angry then. It was never your fault. If you hadn’t left I wouldn’t have this strength. I wouldn’t be this man that I am. I am the lucky one. I don’t hide anymore. I’m not afraid of being hurt anymore. I’m not afraid to love wholeheartedly.

She’s no longer our little girl. She grew up so fast. I wish you could see her. She’s the most beautiful woman. A loving big sister. She reminds me of you. She has your smile. Your laugh. She’s not much older than you were when you left. You would be so proud of her.

I still remember the day you left. I sat in the chair beside your bed and stroked your head. I told you I loved you but you had already gone. I’m sorry you had to go. I’m so happy our paths crossed. Our time seems so short but I will always be grateful for you. I love you.

Chris